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What mentors expect of mentees

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After last week’s post on “How to Be a Good Mentor“, I received a mail from the wonderful and talented Andrea Li (she’s part of the AWS Startup BD team) asking how to be a good mentee.  She asked:

  • Do you have any tips on what good mentors look for in mentees?
  • How does a mentee make it easier for a time-strapped mentor?
  • Mechanisms? Ways of communicating? Topics? Agenda?

You can tell Andrea’s a star, in that she even thought to ask this question.  To show respect for the mentor’s time investment, she immediately thought about more than just her own goals.  That consideration, and her ensuing preparation, will go a long way toward creating a mutually rewarding mentor/mentee relationship.  And the recommendations below apply very similarly to boss/employee interactions as well, so consider them as a way to improve your one-on-ones/relationship with your boss.

How to Be a Good Mentee

  • Communicate an Agenda/Topic – it helps if you have a specific topic you’d like to discuss.  For instance, maybe you’d like help developing a Career Development Plan.  Or, maybe you have questions about how to improve your interviewing skills.  If you can explain the meeting goals in advance, and send any documents you’d like the mentor to review (time permitting), that will show a respect for their time.  And if they don’t feel qualified on the topic, the mentor can politely decline and save you both some time.  I much prefer specific topic-driven meetings vs. open-ended coffees.
  • Drive the Scheduling & Stick to the Time Request – if you ask for 30 minutes, make sure you show up early and be ready to go.  And end on time.  You don’t want to be the reason their day got derailed.  And, of course, make the meeting location convenient for them (near their home, office, etc).
  • Don’t Request Too Much – Build the relationship slowly.  Make it easy for them to opt for either a fixed (i.e. monthly) schedule, or one that is more intermittent, driven by when you have specific topics you’d like to discuss.  Don’t make bigger asks until you’ve developed trust.
  • Don’t Assume the Mentors are Right – my friend @Micah suggested this one, and it’s really important to remember.  While the mentor may have a little more/different experience, it’s entirely possible that their advice is wrong.  So, take all of the advice with a grain of salt, and figure out what works for you.  This is a little easier when you have many people giving you varied opinions.
  • Follow Up on the Meeting – If you asked for their assistance with your career development plan, let them know how it went over with your boss.  Call out some specific suggestions that really made a difference.  The mentor will be happy that their time investment is paying off for you in positive ways.  Of course, remember to thank them for their time.
  • Find a Way to Help Them – you may feel like there’s little you could do to help your mentor, but if you think creatively, there’s probably a way.  Maybe they have questions about some new websites that the youngsters are flocking to.  Or, possibly they’d like some unbiased feedback about a new product their proposing.  Of course, you can always thank them publicly with a LinkedIn Recommendation, calling them out as a helpful mentor (that reflects well on them from a career perspective).
  • Pay It Forward – this mentoring thing only works if you continue the tradition.  I often tell startup founders that the best way they can help me is to help the next batch of founders.  Not only does it take those coffee meetings off my plate 🙂 but it makes the overall network stronger.  And, soon enough, they’ll recognize the questions coming their way as identical to their current challenges. Then, they can pass on that hard-earned wisdom!

As ever, what did I miss?

Getting out of ruts by doing goal-activities first

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I’ve been thinking a lot about ruts of late.  Specifically, how to get out of them.  Because they’re nasty things, and we all get in them.

For instance, I’ve wanted to exercise more often.  And blog more frequently.  And meditate more regularly.  I’ve thought about them, and aspired to them, and I know that when I do them (exercise and meditate, specifically) that many other areas of my life are better — I’m happier, feel healthier, and have more energy.

But I haven’t done those things. Why is that?  What prevents me?

I realize that one reason is that I have other routines that I escape to — for instance, instead of waking up and going for a run immediately, I get up and check email (or even worse, do that while still lying in bed).  Not only does that cause me to imagine new to-dos that I can react to quickly, but it probably means I was thinking about undone to-dos in my sleep.  I also lose a few minutes archiving unimportant mail, checking Sportscenter, playing a few games of Sudoku, reading Twitter, checking Facebook…  you get the idea.  I wouldn’t prioritize any of this stuff, but it’s my routine, and it gives me some feeling of accomplishing or learning something.

I then move on to other routines.  Make the coffee (this one is here to stay 🙂 ).  Feed the dogs (pretty important).  Shower (you all appreciate this one).  And throughout the day I have my mix of good and very bad (checking email/twitter/etc. obsessively) routines.

Another reason that I don’t do my desired activities is that it’s just so darn easy, in the immediate moment, to not do them.  I avoid the physical discomfort of jogging and getting back into shape; the emotional discomfort of capturing and sharing my thoughts; and the (side note — I just really wanted to go check to see if I had any new emails, but I held off until I finish this post!) temporal discomfort of quietly meditating while there are other endorphin-generating obsessions I could be chasing down.

So, for me, as much as I know I need to reduce my obsessive tendencies around email/social media/news reading, one likely hack is just to do my goal (rut-breaking) activity first.  In this way, I’d somewhat treat myself like a child who doesn’t get dessert if they don’t eat their vegetables — “David, no bad habits until you run your three miles!”  Of course, a better long-term solution is to break the connection between those activities and dessert, but here, I’m just looking to get out of some ruts and instill some better behaviors.

OK — abrupt end of post.  My writing skills are limited.  Live with it.  I’ve had to learn to.

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Why it’s hard to get out of ruts:

  • We develop habits that don’t include certain desired activities
  • These habits mentally tell us we’re accomplishing things/making progress/achieving success
  • Pain > Pleasure from doing desired activities, because it’s true in the short-term, and difficult for us to discount back the long-term pleasure

Hack:

  • Figure out your goal activities and do them first (can be first thing in the morning or even later in the day — the key is that they’re done before your escape activity)
  • Make prioritized to-do lists.

What job should you take, or company should you pursue?

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Pick a job by finding a great manager to follow

This question comes up in various ways, multiple times per month, and it came up in a chat I was having with Seattle angel investor Ken Glass today as he mentioned giving similar career advice to some students recently.

Either it’s someone asking me whether they should go work for a startup, or for a big company. Or it’s someone who asks me my advice about which job opportunity to take (or pursue), when they have several options.

My answer is almost always some variation of, “go for the option where you’re working with the best boss, and the best team, and for a company/product that you’re excited about.” Don’t optimize for salary, or even title; and potentially pick your 2nd or 3rd choice company, if it means working for a star, and with a great team. If you do pick well, you’ll follow that person’s rise through the organization, and you’ll have more opportunities than you know what to deal with. That same great manager will make sure you get exposure and recognition for your efforts. And they’ll tell you when you screw up, and help you avoid repeating mistakes. They won’t sugarcoat this important developmental feedback, and you’ll love them for it.

It’s hard to exaggerate how much leverage this simple choice can make, as it can fundamentally alter your career trajectory in good or terrible ways. I’ve seen people make the wrong decisions, and you can literally see the ripple effects through their resumes for years and decades. And at the same time, I regularly see it in positive ways with young stars — making these smart choices early on will benefit you for a lifetime.

Stop criticizing yourself

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A few weeks ago, I found myself nagging Karen (my wife) about spending money, and allowed it to escalate into a pretty big issue over the course of several weeks. Once it reached a head, it resolved itself pretty quickly (more on that in another post, about the need for partnership in relationships… that realization has made a big impact recently). Along the way, though, I realized that I’ve been the one generating some of the really big outflows (investments in TeachStreet, buying and selling fun cars, etc) while she spends money on smaller things (clothing, shoes, etc). The point is that I could have just as easily pointed the finger at myself, and by criticizing her, I was really doing just that. I thought about that in two other contexts lately.

First, there was the article about “Are homophobes gay?” that made the rounds on the web. It seems increasingly common that those who are the most critical of other groups end up being members of those groups in some way. We’ve seen it with Ted Haggard and others. Anytime I see someone far out on the extremes, I wonder about their motivation? And, on a larger scale, I’ve often discussed with Karen, why do some people care so strongly about topics such as allowing gay people to marry? It truly doesn’t impact them in any way. It just makes other people happy.

On a much smaller scale, I’ve been a member of many online and offline groups over the years. With online groups, rules inevitably crop up about who can post what, and how often. The other day, someone posted something self-promotional, and several people loudly popped up to shut down the atrocity. Then, a few days later, one of those people did exactly the same thing. When challenged, the answer was along the lines of ‘turnabout is fair play’.

Seems like some consistent themes. That those who try to impose the rules want to be above the same rules. Or something like that. So, stop criticizing yourself, Dave.

How one teacher made a huge difference in my life

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Most of us have that one teacher who really made a difference in our lives. Mine was Clayton Leach. He was my typing and accounting teacher at Schuylkill Valley High School, in the late 80s. In Internet terminology, he was the one teacher who applied adaptive learning to my educational experience (more on that later). He was also one of those people who always set the bar for what was possible much higher than where I wanted to comfortably put it, but where I had a feeling that I could reach, if I really gave it my all. He did that for many students who entered his classroom over the years.

I first met him in my typing class. Since I had been fiddling with computers for several years, I was already pretty good with QWERTY keyboard. He quickly realized that, and started giving more challenging assignments (numbers, characters, complicated letter types, etc.) He could have just taught me the same material, on the same schedule, as everyone else in the class, but that wasn’t his style. He saw potential, and felt obligated to help it be attained.

I took his accounting class at about the same time. In retrospect, I have no idea why I’d take either of these classes. It was probably to take it easy, if I remember correctly, because 16-year-old Dave was pretty good at math and methodical tasks. But when I started, I quickly accelerated through the first several classes. Mr. Leach immediately took the same approach as in typing, and told me to do a chapter per class, when the rest of the class was spending a week on the same content. He quickly had me finish the entire first book, and proceed on to others. When I asked him if I could take it easy, at some point, he was upset with me! He challenged me to compete in the Future Business Leaders of America (FBLA) regional and state contests, and I ended up winning one of them (regional, I think).
This approach to teaching is now framed as Adaptive Learning, with companies such as DreamBox Learning, Grockit and Knewton leading the way. But great teachers like Mr. Leach made it work before it had a 15-letter name. He saw potential in students where the students didn’t recognize it in themselves, and he then made it appear. He did it through sheer will, encouragement, and love — he wanted to see us achieve our fullest potential, and for many students, I believe that their lives are markedly better and fuller for having learned from him.

Q: So, how did this impact my life? A: In pretty much every possible way. Before Mr Leach’s accounting class, I had been applying to school as an aerospace engineering undergrad (I have no idea how I picked that either 🙂 ); after his class, I enrolled as an Accounting major, and later became a CPA. I did that for several years, and then pursued my MBA at The Wharton School and made a career transition to product development at Amazon.com. I later spent several years working in the microfinance sector, help build the JibJab team, and eventually started my own venture-backed business (TeachStreet), where I spent the first few years doing the accounting and payroll, growing the team and business, and often emptying the trash cans.

Mr. Leach was one of those people who taught me much more than any single subject. He taught me to always do a lot more than the minimum, and that pretty much any opportunity is available, if I was willing to put in the hard work to achieve it. He taught me to do things that I enjoyed, and to have fun doing it (yes, his classes were fun). He reinforced the importance of friendship, and unwavering commitment and support. He was a truly great teacher, and I’ll remember him always.

To honor Mr. Leach, I aspire to treat my co-workers and employees similarly, by setting high goals (that I know/believe they can achieve), providing assistance when needed, and operating with a hands-off approach that allows for mistakes. Everyone needs the room and support to realize their potential, but they also need a kick in the pants every once in awhile. I’m so appreciative of the kicks that he gave me; they made my life so much richer.